She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
