So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
