Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
