Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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