Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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