Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
