Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
