she takes plan B like it's going out of style
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
