i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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