apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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