just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
