Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
3pm strippers are depressing
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
