I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
