at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My penis needs a shock collar
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad