why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm like, not good at living.