I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.