I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
