I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
