I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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