dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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