dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
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do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
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I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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