I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
How naked do you want me to be?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
