we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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