I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize