you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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