Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You can't just leave with hair like that
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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