I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
