Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We don't watch enough power rangers
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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