You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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