It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
