There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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