So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Ladies don't puke and tell
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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