He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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