im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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