That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
