if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize