Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
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Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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