this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
