she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
