OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
