"it" just moved
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
