I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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