you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
