and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
