Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
