I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
