How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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