All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
