Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
