Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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