No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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