Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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