I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
