I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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