She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
that is very illegal...i love you.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize