Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
