I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
