He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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