bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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