hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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