I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
