It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
