sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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