So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
