I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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