i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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