the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
