Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
